The edge of a cliff is a beautiful place
but I misplace confidence in my footing,
forget the risk of mud slides,
the effect of tears on mossy rocks.
By now, the fall should not come as a shock
and the shore breaks waves
like I am sure to break bones.
Blown away are the foundations
of a love to come home to,
for who could ever soften the landing
of a heart demanding to spill its own blood.
Direct the surgeon
to make the incision
side left, inbetween my ribs,
pausing to let the cut bleed.
I need something warm to feel on my skin at the end,
so let it trickle, leave its stain.
Insert the tube through to my chest cavity,
drain the fluid, and once I am coloured grey
then keep going
till this body fades away,
Donate my organs
to one who understands their value
better than I did,
who knows to love every breath these lungs take
and can tell each beat of our heart
it has always been good enough.
I breathe in,
I can get my hands on.
I hold it in, as
insides clench the air
red to blue to purple
to pale of palest white.
imagine the unlove
past these crimson lips,
cut from self-loathing,
sting familiar like an old friend,
the blood clots,
stains the skin.
I have colour now.
I breathe in.
till you understand
all the ways
you still sever yourself
without picking up a blade.