The Weight of Space

The Weight of Space

‘Maybe you should take a nap’

I say

hoping it will confine your sadness

to just one room of the house

or how with your sleep

we find temporary peace.

You wonder how

I can spend so long

lying in the bath.

It’s the only door with a lock on.

Sometimes it’s my only escape.

If rooms had porous walls,

like a sponge

I’d beg them to soak up all your melancholy,

then saturated,

let it trickle out to the ground

and water seeds

who will blossom in its memory.

If it were mine,

I would give the sun to watch you glow,

because I’d rather live in darkness

my whole life

if it would just keep you warm.

Élan Vital

Élan Vital

Is it up to the universe

to bring about the circumstances

that present me with the conditions to thrive?

Is it not equally up to me

to live out my innermost hopes

and present myself to the circumstances?

Self-assured this armour keeps me safe

it cushions not the fall

from every failed pursuit towards freedom.

Shackled to this psyche;

I

weigh

me

down.

Dear My Demons

Dear My Demons

Most of you aren’t real

but notions of a false existence

who try to convince me

that me

is not who I want to be.

How can I not but fail

when me is all that I am?

Some of you have names.

You are real people

who wreaked such evil on my spirit

a part of you died

and stays, rotting inside me.

Some of you I have wished were real

and you are the worst kind

because you persuaded me I couldn’t do better

than your lies and deceit.

And don’t we all want to believe in a place of safety?

But this is the inception

of the war I will fight to the death;

for I choose the life well lived

fulfilled

with people who love me

over the vast dark emptiness

echoing in the spaces you tempt me to reside,

you’ve tested my conviction but I’ve decided where it lies,

I refuse to play to your games.

So lose your own race

lift your own weights

this is your exorcism.