If there is no God, instead can I
grant myself the strength to do what is right,
help myself decide
which piece of my fragile heart
I should be guided by.
It doesn’t know whose side it’s on,
where to stand to be on mine.
So much does it love,
but so much it is lost at the same time.
Would it be letting go
of the most precious thing I’ll ever find
or is this a lesson
in treasuring moments while they last,
learning to leave what no longer serves
my best life.
Or is it you, walking away from me
because I don’t deserve this gift,
have I not cared enough and in the right way,
have I been too afraid to give it my all
or did I give all I could by two months in
and the rest is my passive acceptance
along a road I’m not meant to live,
waiting for the end
like I can’t start my own beginning,
like I can’t be my own higher power.